


i push it down, push it down

by dogf1ght



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, What Have I Done, holy shit that's an actual tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 02:31:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3674172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogf1ght/pseuds/dogf1ght
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick dies in a car crash. Pete doesn't handle it well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i push it down, push it down

**Author's Note:**

> This was greatly inspired by Chandelier by Sia and the notion of several people near death in my family.
> 
> Title taken from Chandelier by Sia

The last thing Pete ever heard from Patrick shouldn't have been a _**1 new message**_ sign. It shouldn't have been an _"I'll be fine, babe"_ text message. Sometimes he wishes it was longer, like his suicide notes or maybe a fudge recipe. He screenshots it anyway.

  

The last thing Pete ever hears about Patrick being alive shouldn't have been an "only family allowed, sir. You can see him later." They've been dating for over a decade and they were planning on getting married as soon as they could afford it. He should have been able to see him alive, should have been able to hold his hand in his last moments.

 

The last thing Pete hears out of Patrick's mouth shouldn't have been "I'll see you tomorrow, I love you." It shouldn't have been anything. They're in their thirties. Neither of them should be dead right now, especially not Trick.

 

The first thing Pete hears out of Patrick mother's mouth about Patrick is "I'm so sorry, Pete. He loved you so much."

 

The first thing Pete does when he gets home is drink an entire bottle of Scotch. The good, hard stuff college kids die for. Joe gave it to them as a ten year anniversary present. What a day to celebrate. 

 

The second thing Pete does when he gets home is cry. He cries like he did when his parents got divorced. He cries like his did when Patrick asked him to marry him. He cries like he did the night he tried to kill himself for the second time. (The first time was emotionless and terrifying. The second time was just terrifying.)

 

The third thing Pete does when he gets home is raid their medicine cabinet. There's gotta be something in there, Pete thinks, that will calm his nerves.

 

 

The first person he texts is Joe. It's an  _I'm sorry_. Short and sweet, just like Patrick used to be.

 

The seconds person he texts is Andy. Something a little longer.  _I wish I had gotten rid of the pills like you asked._ He'll understand, or at least, Pete hopes he does.

 

The third person he texts is Patrick. It's an  _drive safe._ All he wants is closure he'll never get.

 

The first person he calls is Travie. He might help.

 

The second person he calls is his mother. She needs to know.

 

The third person he tries to call is Patrick. Then he remembers.

 

The third person he leaves a message for is no one. He's passed out by then. He's half-way through dialing Patrick's number again.

 

The last thing he sees is glass breaking and razor blades.

 

The last thing he hears is his mother screaming for God. For an ambulance. For someone. But no one comes. No one at all.


End file.
